The “look” of learning

Suppose you notice that your son, Joey, hasn’t really been looking at the pictures on your wall for a while. Do you furrow your brow and wonder what to do about it?

We buy into the idea that learning is supposed to look a certain way, that we should be able to see visible progress over a particular period of time, and that being able to measure the learning defines its success. This is a myth!

There is no “right” or “wrong” way for someone to find their musical path. Many accomplished musicians attribute their musical passion and achievements to having been able and encouraged to explore different instruments and activities when they were children. And the explorations they describe often puzzled their parents, who may have rolled their eyes, but let them continue on their own nonetheless.

Keep in mind that Joey has shown a passion for music! If his explorations are vague and hard to interpret, and not understanding what he's doing makes you uncomfortable, trust that he is learning something. What is needed is not for Joey to change what he is doing, but for you to adjust your idea of how this music learning business should look. What if instead of looking for visible progress, you thought of it as absorption? When, as a child (says my mother), I spent long periods of time on the piano bench staring at the keys, it must have seemed odd. But to this day, when I compose or try to figure out something by ear, it's the image of the piano keyboard that I visualize, even if no keyboard is present. If Joey's interest waxes and wanes and you begin to wonder whether this was a bad idea and a waste of time and money, the instruments are a presence (and an aesthetic one, at that!), and at the very least, convey a message that music is encouraged and valued. And if Joey ignores the instruments completely, that tells you something as well: that he is simply not ready for lessons at this point!

When you find yourself wondering what is going on, whether your child is learning anything, and how can you tell,it might be helpful to keep this in mind:

Not everything that counts can be counted,
and not everything that can be counted counts.
—William Bruce Cameron, author, columnist, humorist